#Underheard: A Personal Appeal From An Author Of Zero Articles At Wikipedia

From the desk of Broderick Mitchell --

Happy New Year to you and yours. I’m pretty sure I received the worst gift possible this Christmas, and it’s taken me a week to fully appreciate its underlying malevolence. Dalcy and I received this from – surprise! – Father Varnt. I sometimes don’t think he’s as pious as he makes himself out to be.

The box bills the product as the Digital Coin Counter Container – and yes, it features a digital display, counts coins, and then contains them as well...though not very well. Dalcy picks up every blasted penny she finds, so we have little stacks throughout the house. I fed the machine what the display said was fifty cents. Peering through the container, I sensed it wasn’t fifty. Starting over with an empty container, that same handful of pennies now equaled thirty-two cents. I know the economy is bad, but come on. So I grab another fist full of dollars (great Clint Howard movie – check it out) and start shoving the pieces into the slot. Quarters. Dimes. Amid this, Dalcy brought up Eisenhower dollars but I don’t think anyone remembers those. Anyway, the grandkids were flushing coins through the thing when I started hearing metallic pings. I was dismayed to see that most coins were now bypassing their collection tube and landing on the interior platform. During all this fun, the batteries died, so I still have no idea how much coinage we have lying around. I don’t think the collection tubes can be fitted with coin wrappers, so someone has to count and wrap coins simultaneously; therefore, I question the usefulness of this product.

There’s a resolution for 2012 in all this: cleaning out the house. We’re not hoarders, but we tend to keep things a bit longer than needed (ask me sometime about our 1984 visit to Paducah).

I’ve got the news on as I write this and I gotta ask: is anyone else disgusted at the sight of animated bears frolicking around with bits of paper stuck on their backside? Is the pope catholic? (The answer is “yes”!)

I’ve been eating this zaatar stuff for about a month now.  It’s got this tangy zing that really goes good with vegetables.

Found a box of string in the closet while putting away Christmas decorations.  Might see if I can sell this stuff.

After a week of televised national concerts celebrating Christmas, I see there are a few national concerts celebrating the new year on the tube in the coming days. I wonder how many programs some of those choirs perform this time of year, plus practices.  I am not familiar with many New Year's songs, so I may check one of these out.  (Hugh Jackman, the guy from the House Doctor program, is singing in one of them now, so...eh.)

We’re due over to friends for polsole in another hour. It’s supposedly a good luck thing. It’s also a Central American thing. I guess your luck is good until December 20.