I've seen everything now. I visited the grocery store early a few mornings
ago. There were no crowds at 6:30, and I only needed to pick up a few
things. The new Hongo Super-Grocery features a garden center located along
its front entrance. It's mediocre at best, selling only a few supplies,
small bags of soil, and stacks of god-awful decorations. Without fail,
always on display is something that looks like driftwood with stenciled-on
holiday art. Orange jack lanterns. Red hearts. Do people buy that many
seasonal decorations in the first place?
Brick columns and fences surround this garden center; to access it, you must
enter the store's foyer. However, the shelves of plants – flowers, shrubs,
herbs – stand out in front of the store. I used to wonder if someone hadn't
walked off with a petunia or two during these early morning hours.
Well, they did. As I walked across the main drag in front of the store,
someone quickly turned and briskly walked toward the parking lot. We briefly
exchanged eye contact, but my eye turned toward the strands of rosemary he
had cut off with a pocket knife. I shook my head and kept going. Do other
people do this? I chuckled at the thought of saving $2 or $3 on their
store-brand jars of the same stuff. Would someone do this during November to
help with Thanksgiving costs? What do you do, throw it in a bag or a purse
and hope it survives the ride home?
Cleve Baley is the building coordinator for the Salamis Library and another
building in this part of campus. He strolls through about once a week,
ensuring that lights work, full fire extinguishers are on hand, people don't use break room appliances outside the break room, and many other mind-numbing, basic tasks. I ran afoul of him several years ago when we moved
to new offices on the fourth floor. The new offices came with new paper
nameplates; mine read BRODDERICK in wine-stain-colored Helvetica text. I
printed a new tag with the correct spelling and slipped it into the placard.
It wasn't 12 hours later that I received a message from Cleve saying my nameplate was the wrong color and I needed to replace it. Cleve can tell the
difference between burgundy and maroon from ten feet away while moving about.
What a skill!
After ignoring him, I entered the office one morning to find the reprint
poorly hidden under some papers on my desk. I hung it back up. He took it
back down. You get the idea. This stupid game of hide-and-seek continued
until he confronted me at the desk and began a long-winded speech about
consistency. With that for inspiration, the following weekend, I printed new
nameplates in the wrong color for everyone on the floor.
I didn't see Cleve much after that, though the boorish prat still sends
emails, including a recent one about the building's coffee club.
Hello Everyone! I hope all is going well for the staff that are members of the Coffee Club. I know I enjoy the convenience and the cost value the club provides. Having my daily java available in the break room for $5 per month sure beats stopping at a store or going over to the cafeteria where after you've bought 3 large or 4 medium cups, you could have paid for a months worth of coffee here. With that, I want to encourage all personnel to join the club and take advantage of this great deal.
His "I know I enjoy" line got a laugh out of a few of us here due to how
fake his conversational tone felt. He is not the type of person known for
trying to fit in or find something in common with others.
On behalf of our Volunteer Coffee Coordinators, I need to ask all members to get your monthly dues in ASAP. I know that it is very easy to forget that this is due but this situation has caused the club to be in a tight financial situation. It is also a major pain to be asking for money so please check with the Volunteer Coffee Coordinator from your area and get current on this today. Thanks for your support.
So, "Volunteer Coffee Coordinators" warrants using title case, huh? The club doesn't extend upward past the library's second floor because I
can't find a coffee maker anywhere up here. Which doesn't bother me much. I
can't stand the taste of coffee.
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