#Ratings: Garbage Pail Kids I

Nasty NICK / Evil EDDIE

Depicts a child dressed as a vampire preparing to bite the neck of a Barbie-like doll. The image seems fairly tame compared to those that will follow, and the lack of puns in the names adds to the boredom. Quoth the vampire: I suck. (C-)

Junkfood JOHN / RAY Decay

Depicts a child consuming sweets and the sugary substances having ruined his two - and only - teeth.  I guess it's gross? (C)

Up CHUCK / Heavin' STEVEN

Depicts vomiting - but not a lot. I would have thought the artists would have preferred projectiles protruding from all points. Instead, it appears to be nothing but a few alphabet blocks. The rating does garner a half-point for utilizing the pedestrian but chuckle-worthy "up chuck" name. (C+)

Fryin' BRIAN / Electric BILL

Depicts a stereotypically dressed prisoner in black and white stripes being electrocuted. Eh. This one gets a half point, too, for its name (electric bill), but it won't help as much. (C-)

Dead TED / JAY Decay

Depicts a one-eyed, fetid child zombie surfacing from its burial vault. What, the name "Zahm BEA" was being used elsewhere? This is the first image to actually show any signs of bordering anywhere near grotesque. (B-)

ART Apart / Busted BOB

Depicts a child as a dismembered doll. The doll looks like a Harpo Marx toy and is not so much busted as it is cut or torn.  You know, "cutter JOHN" or "BELLA torn".  GPK used two unimaginative names here, but I do like they pulled "apart" out of their Funk and Wagnalls. (B-)

Stormy HEATHER / APRIL Showers

Depicts lightning striking a child. Now, I like this one, mostly because of the names, although I would have thought there could have been more gratuitous lighting effects. Oh well, may her reign never end. (B+)

ADAM Bomb / Blasted BILLY

Depicts a mushroom cloud exploding from a child's head, his finger having pressed the proverbial nuclear button. This iconic image was the first character most people ever saw because he was displayed across the packaging, hence his unofficial role as "spokes child" or, at the very least, mascot.  While not an earth-shattering pun, "ADAM bomb" does have a nice ring to it. (A-)

Boozin' BRUCE / Drunk KEN

Depicts a drunken, disheveled baby dressed up as a drunken, disheveled, stereotypical 1950s-era barfly. Oh, he has his pink elephant and a blue rabbit (Harvey?) to converse with if needed, but there is nothing offensive with this one. Wait...is a blue rabbit a common hallucination, or is this a nod to a brand of ice cream? (D+)

Tee-Vee STEVIE / Geeky GARY

Depicts a normal child but with a television for a head, his face on the screen, and his eyes now wild spirals -- all the result of uninterrupted watching of the smaller television sets surrounding him. A video camera is set up, possibly recording the child, leading me to wonder if STEVIE/GARY is simply watching himself. The GARY half of the name comes across as a placeholder until something better comes along.  "TALLY vision"?  Maybe "sony TONY"? (C-)