Itchy RICHIE - Bugged BERT
Depicts a smiling naked child happily overtaken by spiders. I won't get into the bug name and the spider illustration because insects or arachnids on your body are creepy enough. (C+)
Furry FRAN - Hairy MARY
Depicts a hairy young girl bordering on lycanthropy with 1980s mainstays: a curling iron and a can of hairspray. Part of the gag was that a child (again, a girl, based on the names) could be so hairy. Eh. (C)
Ashcan ANDY - Spacey STACY
I don't know what the intent was with this one. The child depicted is a robot-like entity: it has the usual GPK round head attached to the metal trashcan. While a trash can brings to mind Oscar the Grouch, this character has three legs mirroring the Star Wars character R2-D2. But the names don't hinge on either the grouch or droid angle; instead, we have spacey - which makes more sense for a character who is out of touch or high - and ashcan - which seems like a typo. (D)
Potty SCOTTY - JASON Basin
Depicts a child stepping out of a toilet with a can of Ajax and a brush - the assumption is he cleaned the device from the inside out. He looks clean clear through, a little too spic-and-span; not enough cringe. If anything, the name reminds me of the old jingle: "Hasten Jason get the basin." (C-)
Ailin' AL - Mauled PAUL
Depicts a child covered in bandages and using a crutch as a support, suggesting we just missed Paul being mauled. I guess he's ailing, though to me, that's someone who is sick, and this kid looks more like someone's punching bag. (C)
Weird WENDY - Haggy MAGGIE
This card features a child dressed as a witch ... or maybe she is a witch? Anyway, there's a cauldron with the stereotypical animals witches need for their spells: eye of this and tooth of that. It's tame and not too different from what you may find on some Halloween decorations. (C+)
Wacky JACKIE - Loony LENNY
Depicts a child jumping around a padded room with foam dripping from her mouth and her eyes bouncing out of their sockets. It's not scary or even remotely grotesque, but it does show the lengths the artists went to inflict strife on these kids. (B+)
Cranky FRANKIE - Bad BRAD
This one seems lazy from various angles. First, it depicts a child meant to be a stock character devil or demon; he has horns and a forked tail. What is he doing? Pushing textbooks through a meat grinder and turning them into a powder. Second, the names aren't funny and not terribly clever. Yes, he's bad for destroying property, but -- come on. I think the cards get more of a reaction when the action is done to the child, as opposed to the child doing something to another object. The name "cranky" is mildly comical when you stop and consider the hand-cranked grinder, but it would have had more impact if Frankie was the one being cranked or going through the grinder. (D+)
Corroded CARL - Crater CHRIS
A step up. Depicts a child happily popping the pimples covering his body. Pockmarks and pus permeate the child, and while he has lotions and creams, they don't appear to do much. The names don't do much for me, either. The art, however, is enough to make you think twice about scratching the white head on your nose. (B+)
Swell MEL - Dressy JESSE
And a step down. A balding child with a five o'clock shadow dressed in drag. Seems like a filler idea with unimaginative names. (C)
No comments:
Post a Comment