Underheard: Gotta Get the Gaze Out!

From the desk of Broderick Mitchell --

I swear, after months of hearing it, the new Domino's jingle still makes me think some kid named Dom liked to brag about owning minnows.

  

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Word got around a month ago about two employees here at the library. They work in another unit, so I don't know them well enough. There wasn't anything suspicious about them, except one volunteered to run some empty boxes over to the other's house. He had been sick most of the week but wanted the boxes, which someone usually threw out on Fridays. Being a decent, kind-hearted person, his coworker not only volunteered to save them but also insisted on taking them to his house. That was where the good news ended.

Fast forward to the middle of the following week, and the woman had been pretty tight-lipped on her errand. All she said was, "Don't eat the deviled eggs." I'm not too fond of boiled eggs, whether deviled or heavenly. What is the opposite of deviled eggs, anyway? The opposite of devil's food cake is angel food cake, so –

Anyway, the library staff has a potluck-type meal once a quarter -- a quick speech, some awards, lunch -- that sort of thing. If we're lucky, we get one speaker. If we're unlucky, maybe two. I brought a Turkish corn casserole and brought home less than half. That's a success. But someone made three dozen deviled eggs, and the crowd consumed less than a dozen.

I later found out why when the gossipers got to work. The woman delivering the boxes revealed her coworker's house was in worse shape than he let on. The pièce de résistance was the bent and broken loveseat on the front porch, recently relocated from the living room because of the raccoons. The other coworker didn't ask too many questions, mostly because one of the raccoons ran off the porch and into a nearby vacant lot before she could. One of the raccoons. And the vermin hadn't taken over the loveseat after it sat outside for a few days. No, the owner removed the loveseat because of the raccoons. The takeaway was that they had lived in the living room, inside the house.

She also encountered a rat inside the house, and the kitchen had more than a few cockroaches. By this point, she explained that she wanted to leave and made a mental note never to eat anything this guy brought to the potluck. 

This is why you don't touch (let alone eat) the deviled eggs he brought to the luncheon, and why I began hearing the phrase "Triple R" used after the poor sap had left the room.

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I might buy into the fearmongering more if the politicians running for office didn't call it "Sharia's Law " in their commercials. The possessive does nothing but remind me of Sophie's Choice or Schitt's Creek.

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I tuned into the news on Memorial Day, but was instead greeted by the National Cherry Blossom Festival Parade. It was all well and good, and I enjoyed the sakura-seeped colors. However, I had to chuckle when I heard two songs performed: I Wanna Dance With Somebody and Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now, both of which were top 40 radio staples played to death back in 1987. I tried to think of what other 39-year-old hit songs would have been popular. Bring on the Bangles, Gregory Abbott, and – why not - Company B.

I also appreciated that both songs featured informal contractions, so now it's off to find other 1980s-era songs with such language. How about Lemme and Eat the Rich.  Ha!

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Twice this week, while untying my shoes, I've managed to form a knot in one of the laces. No big deal, but the first time it was the left lace and the second time was - surprise - the left lace, again.